yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
