Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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