So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
