i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
