After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
