Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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