but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
