When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
