I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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