I will die if light touches me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
