why didn't you poke me back
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
