His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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