If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
