You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Success! We fucked roommates!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
