how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
