I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
