my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
