you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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