Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night I used snow as a chaser
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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