Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
