I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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