trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
