Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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