It's Friday. Sex?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize