we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
