I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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