I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
