Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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