her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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