I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize