unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
