I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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