why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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