I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
