when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
