Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
