you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
