I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
