If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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