I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
