Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize