Betty ford says i'm here all night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sober January is a disaster.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
