I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
