Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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