why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
