You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize