just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
