It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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