I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
