you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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