Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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