I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
