You just made me feel so damn special
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
