I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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