Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
