If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
