i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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