Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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