My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
