idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
