He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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