he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
wow bdsm is so cute
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
