why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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