I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
