You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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