so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
