You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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