no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
