im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
