I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
