I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
