i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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