she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's shark week go big or go home
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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