just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
His nipple licking is glorious
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