hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
