He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
