I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
