is wine microwaveable?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
