So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize